Gilbert Gottfried > B.O.


What is your go-to alcoholic beverage?

l


Well as a guy who broke his nose 5 times and can no longer smell that's easy. Let the world reek lol.

What is the most embarrassing moment of your life?

Hmm....there was a pretty traumatizing moment during field day in middle school. I played basketball a lot and had a reputation as a stingy defender since I couldn't handle the ball worth shit. There was this one kid who was really good and had handles and skill that a middle school kid absolutely should not have had. So me being a cocky shit that felt like he could shut down the whole world challenged him to make a basket on me. He accepted, and a pretty sizeable crowd gathered around to watch. After about 7 seconds of sizing me up he made a crossover move that I fell for and got my ankles broken. Like literally fell to the floor after he made a move. Everyone is going nuts and I try to get up and block a shot he decided to take while I was on the ground. Of course it goes in and I get J'd and everyone loses their shit at this point. I feel like a dumb ass and one kid comes up to me and says "he wants your house and all of your possessions" or something along those lines. A middle school kid. I will NEVER forget that and I think that fucked me up going into high school lol.

Another funny story was trying to tackle a fast kid playing JV football in high school and he made a move and I, of course, got my ankles broken again. Traumatizing. Fast forward a few more years and I literally get my ankle broken in an MMA class after trying it for the second time. 7 years of boxing and not one injury. I think those basketball and football experiences taught me subconsciously that speed kills so I think it helped me become a speedster when I boxed so I guess some good came out of it lol

Everyone's had a first crush. What happened with yours? Did he/she become a friend or did they not even acknowledge your existence?

I'm gonna break all my own rules now and go out of turn and not even answer the above question... but only because I think my most embarrassing story is VERY similar to ATT's


For our elementary school graduation field trip the entire 6th grade class (so I was 11 maybe just 12) went to Cal Skate a local roller skating rink (or floor or arena? whatever it's called) with an adjoining arcade. I had never skated before in my whole life, but neither had most of the kids there so there was no reason to feel self conscious. There would be much falling and laughing..

So I rented a pair of fruit boots and proceeded to skate alongside my friends in a continuous circle for hours on end, stopping occasionally to play race car arcade games or use the bathroom. I sucked just like everyone else at first, but I steadily improved throughout the day from hugging the wall, to going around a bit occasionally falling over, to being able to maintain my balance fairly consistently and not look like a complete ass.

By the end of the day I thought I was really getting the hang of it and I thought I was going pretty fast. It was announced that there were going to be a few games to end the day. The first one was a giant game of "Red Light, Green Light" that the whole school participated in. All that was required of this was straight line speed and the ability to stop which were skills I had mastered. I remember doing very well in this game and feeling pretty confident. Lastly was a "race" and I thought to myself "I'm going fast, I can do a couple laps without falling down now. I'm gonna try" So I wade out to the starting area and slowly start to realize..... not many people are participating in this.... In fact 95% of the students had evacuated the floor and were now leaning over the wall watching those that remained. I then looked around and noticed a few more troubling things... The dozen or so kids that remained were all the cool popular kids. (They had brought their own roller blades from home for GOD SAKE!! BLADES!!! They all had super cool striped roller blades and I had brown rented fruit boots with a rubber stopper) What's more I noticed that the event staff were laying out cones that we were expected to be maneuvering around. This was an entirely new dynamic that I was not in the least prepared for. I had mastered the art of slowly constantly turning left, but sharp turns?? Fuck no.

At this point the race was about to begin, and I was suddenly feeling out of my depth. I sized up the situation and came to the only logical conclusion.. Bail.. and so looking downtrodden and sad, staring at my own feet I proceeded to skate back towards one of the openings just before we were about to start. I then did something I hadn't done for a couple hours. I fell down face first with the whole school watching me. I tried to regain my balance and my composure but all the times I had fallen before I had either been close to the wall or one of my friends to help me up. Now dead in the center of the floor I tried to get up and scrambled forward about 10 feet before falling down again. I don't know how far away from the opening I was at this point (In my adult mind it's roughly a mile) but as a kid I decided that I was not going to be able to get up and I decided that the best course of action was to crawl on my hands and rented knee-pads the remaining distance. All this again, with the entire school watching and laughing at me.


Anyway... the question was:

My goodness you guys are shy

My first crush was this rich bitch in pre kintergarten. We played GI Joes and Barbies and she played with some other boy's GI Joe the next day so i learned women were whores early. We don't talk anymore and i hope she's dead.


What is your favorite memory of childhood? (Too lazy to see if that is a repeat question)

Favorite memory...that's tough. Childhood was pretty damn good. I guess one that stands out is finally beating the champ on Pokemon gold for the first time while my brother was watching and we both went nuts cuz Lance was a tough mother fucker lol. Little did we know we still had work to do...

If you were to teach your kid ONE martial art, excluding MMA, for means of self defense, which art would you choose for him or her?

Oooh... I would chose Jiu Jitsu. I don't know if that's even the best answer as far as most effective MA, but I had a lot of fun doing it, and if nothing else I would want my theoretical son to do it so I had something to bond with him over.

What was your favorite Christmas present this year?

My favorite Xmas present was from myself I converted all my standard lights on my truck to led new housings and what not..


If you could be a animal for a day what would it be?

An English pigeon, not only do you get to eat all day and get fat, but also throw in the awesome fact you can fly plus shit all over people, literally!

Who's your in game fighter that you had so much hope for and failed you, and you could bring them back for another stint to make amends